Open Letters

Sex Education: Proactive Ed for A Healthier, Happier Society

Open Letters

I never send out ‘Like’ requests, but this is something I feel passionate about. Ontario’s government wants to update their antiquated Health and Sex Ed Curriculum. This is a VERY good thing. However, many parents are protesting, due to religious views, concern for age appropriateness, or general discomfort with schools teaching their kids about things like ‘gasp!’ CONSENT, DIVERSE IDENTITIES AND SEXUALITY, SAFER SEX PRACTICES, and GENDER IDENTITY. If you live in a country where diversity is protected, that means you don’t get to erase us, marginalize us and pretend we don’t exist when you teach children about their bodies and their relationships. Your child is who they are and pretending people like me don’t exist won’t ‘protect’ or ‘prevent’ your child from becoming a queer person, a gay person, a trans person. We already ARE these people. Discussing a variety of identities builds respect. The only thing these conversations change is how people are treated and what kind of future kids have. Including informed, balanced education on these topics will prevent generations of children from facing voicelessness, ignorance, discrimination and the gross, misinformed views that have hurt, not helped, diverse people. We should strive to create a society where no child is afraid to tell the people they love who they are, and where (more generally) sexual violence, abuse and pressure to conform, which create dangerous situations for young people, are replaced by support, confidence, informed choices and respect between consenting individuals. If you can’t get behind a less homophobic, transphobic society, at least (I would assume) you are in support of a less rape-y one. This is crucial in a world where violence, assault, exploitation and pressures of all kinds exist for people of all ages. Pretending sex doesn’t exist in our world creates easy targets with few support systems. Talking about sexuality, consent and identity can help to raise critical thinkers who make choices that positively impact youth, their relationships and, ultimately, their communities.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/People-for-Ontarios-Sex-Ed-Curriculum/108307772833627?notif_t=fbpage_fan_invite

The Union Wars and Overpaid Public Employees

Open Letters

This actually has nothing to do with unions. At least not the current union business. It does have to do with the ongoing (about once – in earnest- every two year bloodbath wherein a public sector, usually unionized, gets slaughtered in the media and court of public opinion for having the audacity to stand up for their rights).

Usually the hot button issue is salary. But, let’s be clear, it’s rarely about salary for us. More so ‘human rights’ (the right to negotiate the working terms of our contracts) and the inequity of being maligned in the public eye and used by the government as scapegoats to pay off, or pay down, a deficit we didn’t create.

Most of what I hear about teachers can be chalked up to ignorance; to the fact that most of us have been to the dentist a bunch of times but don’t feel qualified, after sitting in that chair, to carry out the job of a dentist, but feel totally justified in imagining that we know what it’s like to be a teacher. Some dot-jots might help:

– We get summers off. Yes, we used to be an agrarian society and farmers needed their children to be out of school to help work the fields. It isn’t a glorified vacation, or some sweet deal we negotiated.

-It isn’t a paid vacation. We are paid for the hours we spend AT work, IN the classroom. The pay is calculated and divided into lump sums to be given to us every two weeks – still ONLY based on hours worked.

-We don’t get paid for the coaching, supervisions at night, dances, trips, etc., that we take time away from our families to do so other people’s children have a well-rounded learning experience. We do it because we love it.

-Those sick days and perks that others are so jealous of? We got those in past negotiations INSTEAD of higher salaries. So, when they get stripped in current ‘negotiations’ it amounts to a paycut because they weren’t things given to us without sacrifices in other areas.

-I have three degrees and spent seven years in university to become a professional in my field. I am helping to prepare, for life and society, our country’s greatest asset – your children. I care and invest in them as my life’s work. Treating teachers like scum sends a terrible message about the value of our role in raising the next generation.

-The fight we often step into, in standing up for our rights, is one that sets the terms for the kind of rights your children will have when they enter the workforce.

-We ARE taking one for the team and doing our part, and have been for the past 6 years at least (salary freezes, no seniority or cost of living increases, while HST and cost of living has made our expenses, and yours, higher)

-Yes, there are bad, lazy teachers. And office workers. And police officers. And engineers. And assembly line workers. And… pretty much every job has some employees who don’t do a fantastic job.

-The teaching market is SUPER saturated. Qualified, eager teachers and waiting years to get their foot in the door. If we didn’t love our profession, we would be doing something else.

-Our job isn’t easy. Neither is yours. But I wouldn’t presume to tell you what your job is like, seeing as how I don’t work there. I have one of the most rewarding jobs I can imagine. Truly. I love it, but don’t so much love having people speculate about how easy it would be to do it, or indulging the stereotypes that each profession suffers under.

-Bottom line: Please don’t begrudge those who have employment, benefits and job security the fact that they have the things all hard-working people should have. Yes, we have pensions – we pay into them and, in this society, rather than trying to claw back gains by groups of unionized workers and pettily scorning them for having (gasp) future financial security, why don’t we work harder to make sure ALL citizens have adequate care, safety, living wages, health and financial security for their futures? Wouldn’t this make our society more productive and secure?

For a really fun overview of how much teachers make, which completely explains why we are so overpaid, check out the following breakdown by Meredith Menden:

“Teachers’ hefty salaries are driving up taxes, and they only work nine or ten months a year! It’s time we put things in perspective and pay them for what they do — babysit!We can get that for less than minimum wage.

That’s right. Let’s give them $3.00 an hour and only the hours they worked; not any of that silly planning time, or any time they spend before or after school. That would be $19.50 a day (7:45 to 3:00 PM with 45 min. off for lunch and planning — that equals 6-1/2 hours).So each parent should pay $19.50 a day for these teachers to baby-sit their children. Now how many students do they teach in a day…maybe 30? So that’s $19.50 x 30 = $585 a day.

However, remember they only work 180 days a year!!! I am not going to pay them for any vacations.

LET’S SEE….

That’s $585 X 180= $105,300 per year. (Hold on! My calculator needs new batteries).

What about those special education teachers and the ones with Master’s degrees? Well, we could pay them minimum wage ($7.75), and just to be fair, round it off to $8.00 an hour. That would be $8 X 6-1/2 hours X 30 children X 180 days = $280,800 per year.

Wait a minute — there’s something wrong here! There sure is!

The average teacher’s salary (nationwide) is $50,000.

$50,000/180 days = $277.77 per day / 30 students = $9.25 / 6.5 hours = $1.42 per hour per student — a very inexpensive baby-sitter and they even EDUCATE your kids!)

WHAT A DEAL!!!!”

Meredith Menden

Style Sa Vie: My stylish lifestyle

Open Letters

This blog is about life lived with style. Stylishly – a style of living. Superficially this means beautifully, fully articulated and overflowing, and maybe also wearing an outfit, like armour, that makes you feel ready for the day. But lifestyle implies so much more, for me and many others, whose life still gets called a ‘lifestyle’ rather than simply our life. 

I am fortunate to live in a country that has helped to lead the way in equal rights, while our neighbours to the South say ‘Liberty and Justice for ALL,’ but don’t actually mean for everyone. One of the things I like about Canadians is that, with few exceptions, we accept and celebrate the rights of those around us to pursue their livelihood and relationships. I wish others well, even if I don’t believe what they believe, and – for the most part – this is reciprocated. Even when our worldviews seem at odds.

I was lucky, through no fault of my own, to have been born here. Geographically blessed. I could have been less lucky. I was born in a place where my desire to marry the love of my life was not only legal, but where I was supported in all the ways that a couple can dream of – with the love and support of my family and community.

We aren’t all there yet. Here is a beautiful PSA from PFLAG –  “Nobody’s Memories”; it shares the imagined hopes and dreams of all those who were never able to walk that aisle and have their love  witnessed, as a celebration of their commitment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YlAgIslMAM

LGBTQ Youth Activism

Open Letters

This is a love letter to Progress. I hear things all the time that add to the collective sigh of my soul: parents protest new sex-education bill (that includes consent, safer sex practices, healthy relationships, and diverse identities), another black man has been killed by law enforcement, more and more of the things that make us question whether things are getting better. To counter that, we have moments of joy.

Our LGBTQ conference being spotlighted in the local media is so wonderful and inspiring. My students had a brilliant day, leading workshops and I shared a seminar called My Big Gay Wedding Life, where I spoke about the coming out process, getting jobs, coming out to family and co-workers, education and ultimately, finding a career I love and being ‘out’ in the classroom.

Check out the article here:

Hundreds attend Oakville LGBTQ+ conference at Iroquois Ridge High School

Hundreds attend Oakville LGBTQ+ conference at Iroquois Ridge High School

Iroquois Ridge High School hosted Inside and Out- Loud and Proud: Can You Hear me Now?, the Halton district school board’s annual Gay-Straight Alliance conference for Grades 7-12. Here, during a workshop about reconciling being LGBTQ+ and being religious, L-R Jade Pichette, Rabbi Andrea Myers, Rev David Lewis-Peart, Rev Chiedza Pasipanodya, Yogi Akal, and Eh-Farouk Khaki lead the session.

Hundreds attend Oakville LGBTQ+ conference at Iroquois Ridge High School

By David Lea

Hundreds of LGBTQ+ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer) students from across Halton and beyond celebrated equity and diversity at the Halton District School Board’s (HDSB) annual Gay-Straight Alliance Conference.

The event was held at Iroquois Ridge High School last Thursday (April 23).

Dubbed “Loud and Proud: Can You Hear Me Now,” the conference was intended to give LGBTQ+ students an opportunity to connect, examine various issues facing the LGBTQ+ community and have fun.

“It’s not just about creating safe spaces anymore. It’s about celebrating who people are and getting out there and being visible and being active in the community,” said Robert Stenekes, Equity and Inclusion Education Student/Community Facilitator with HDSB.

“It’s local in that sense, but also we really help to broaden the students’ global perspective on what’s happening with LGBTQ+ issues around the world. We have a really good framework for what’s happening here in Canada, but that’s not necessarily the case in the rest of the world.”

The conference attracted more than 300 students.

Many came from schools throughout Halton’s public board, but some also came from the Halton Catholic District School Board and Appleby College.

Other participants arrived from schools as far away as Brantford.

The conference featured a poetry slam and musical performances, but also community booths where students could learn about local LGBTQ+ activities and connect with advocacy groups.

“This is super important because there are so many people in Halton, and youth in Halton especially, who identify in the LGBTQ+ range. I think sometimes it is very hard for them to find resources,” said a student from Assumption Catholic Secondary School, who is also a member of the Positive Space Network.

“I’m trying to start a (Gay-Straight Alliance) GSA at my school, so having these resources is extremely helpful and coming here and having all the different booths gives me a lot of information about how to do that.”

The 15-year-old said her group is also looking to open a LGBTQ+ Youth Centre in Halton and came to the conference to survey students to find out what they would like to see at such a centre and what it would take to make them feel safe there.

She also noted an LGBTQ+ youth drop-in event takes place every second Tuesday of the month at Mountainside Recreation Centre, 2205 Mount Forest Dr., in Burlington, from 5-8 p.m.

A connecTions social group for gender independent; trans-identified youths and their families/caregivers meets the first Wednesday of the month at the Positive Space Network offices at the Reach Out Centre for Kids (ROCK) at 504 Iroquois Shore Rd., unit 12A, in Oakville.

Another booth featured representatives from Egale: Canada Human Rights Trust, Canada’s national LGBTQ+ human rights organization.

The group is best known for its campaign, which helped bring same sex marriage to Canada in 2005.

Egale now works to advocate for the creation of safer spaces within the community for LGBTQ+ people.

Egale representative Jeremy Dutcher said events like the conference are important particularly when a 2009 national research survey conducted by the group found two out of three LGBTQ+ students do not feel safe in their schools on a daily basis.

“When I was going to school, there were really no supports for myself as a gay student in the school,” said Dutcher.

“To have opportunities for students to come together in a safe environment where there can be peer-to-peer learning happening is really, really important.

“They can share success stories about what is happening in their GSAs and how to support each other in that sense,” he continued. “We see the value just by the students walking by and the looks on their faces and how excited they are to be here because it really is an incredible coming together of some awesome folks working for social justice and working for change in their school community.”

The conference also featured workshops on topics such as: healthy and unhealthy relationships, sexual health, how LGBTQ+ experiences overlap with disability justice, how popular and rock music has challenged traditional gender norms.

Another workshop featured a dialogue between representatives from different faiths and from different spiritual perspectives on the intersections of religion and LGBTQ+ identities.

The workshop was intended to show the youths attending they did not have to choose between their sexuality and their religion, and there is room for both, according to organizers.

The day ended with students dancing during a “Waack Revolt” and with parting words from HDSB Associate Director Stuart Miller.

Miller spoke about a bullying situation he had been made aware of during his time as a vice-principal in which some boys had urinated on another youth’s clothes.

The matter was investigated and the boys responsible were ultimately punished.

Miller said there were two heroes in that story — one was the boy who witnessed the incident and spoke up about it and the other was the victim who refused to let what happened get the better of him and who continued to be who he was and follow his dreams.

“There are two messages I want you to take from this story. The first is never ever suffer in silence. Go to somebody and if you see someone suffering in silence you help them,” said Miller.

“The second message is always help those that seem in distress or in need. You guys, by sitting here, are making a statement to this community, to Halton, to the world that you believe strongly in human rights…. There are countries in this world where gay people are still oppressed and face severe consequences just for who they are. “By being here today you are standing up to those oppressive regimes… you are making a statement,” he added.

The conference received positive reviews from students who attended.

A 17-year-old M.M. Robinson High School student called the conference inspirational and said it has given her considerable insight on what others in the LGBTQ+ community have gone through.

“I always had a supportive family. Seeing how other people are not supported in this has kind of helped me think about how I would like to make a difference,” she said.

Another student also described her experience as positive.

“I’ve had so much fun today. Hearing all the different presentations at the start of the day was awesome. There was slam poetry that was amazing,” she said.

“I just came from a workshop that was interfaith and hearing from all these different people about their views was absolutely amazing. It’s just wonderful to be here.”

Sing it, Sister

Open Letters, style

Newly minted website, No Woo Woo (http://nowoowoo.com/) features the scathing, witty commentary of Bronwen Keyes-Bevan, a Toronto-based writer and filmmaker. Her recent article about the feeding frenzy on the red carpets, in particular – the impact on those who are breast-feeding, perfectly sums up what I’d want to say on the subject. For a great read, that calls out the complimentary way we backhand women (in general), by complimenting individual women’s ability to ‘bounce-back’ from pregnancy, check out her full article:

http://nowoowoo.com/bounced-back-golden-globes-how-the-media-tears-women-down/

I also love the Elle interviews that she cites, where male celebs are put through the same inane series of questions that women hoop-jump through regarding their pre-event prep routines and clothing choices:  (http://www.elle.com/culture/celebrities/news/g15584/elle-asks-men-inane-questions-on-the-red-carpet/?slide=3  ).

No Woo Woo is full of on-point observations and includes some excellent links to support the views on offer, including the Onion’s mock report about jumpsuits on the red carpet to help people focus on the talent, not the tail.

Thanks, Bronwen, for keeping it real and sharpening our focus.

The Onion's fake news.

The Onion’s fake news.

Dear Gym Lady

Open Letters

I knew there was a reason you bugged me. It was more than your face, perpetually smirking and looking smug, or the smarmy way you act like you’re doing me a favour by offering to waive the ‘sign-up fee’ when I’ve agreed to your several hundred dollar membership cost. It isn’t even the way you tighten the sides of your mouth, almost smiling, if you manage to make eye contact with someone when they enter the facility, or how you flip your hair while you check your phone. It might be the gossip I hear every time I pass the front desk, or how you seem ‘busy’ if someone wants to ask you a question. I almost feel like I’m interrupting you, when I ask to scan in. Then I remember, you work here.

My wife said I was being unfair when I crinkled my nose and said, ‘she just bugs me, I can’t put my finger on it.’

Because usually, almost always, I’m fair-minded and non-judgmental. It was a gut feeling, a certain distaste … somewhere on a deeper level.

My guts were right.

You think, gym lady, that even though you must know that your gym has windows and the machines face out, overlooking the parking lot, no one noticed how you parked your SUV across two spots. Clearly over the line. Innocent mistake.

You definitely knew, because I watched you get out of your vehicle, walk around the front to see how far over you were, then casually put your bag over your shoulder, deciding not to correct this, in spite of the fact that your gym has limited parking and many times the lot is full, and we have to use the overflow parking across the street, or two lots over. Even in the winter.

You sauntered off, fully aware that you were taking up a spot that could be used by paying members. You didn’t care. A ‘Eureka’ light bulb, illuminates in my gut; right again! And it’s even worse that you work here.

That’s why you rub me the wrong way. Gym lady.

The Times, They Are a Changing

Love, Open Letters, Wedding

All photos from my own wedding are courtesy of Kate O’Connor at  http://sweetheartempire.com/ 

—

Anyone who grows up … in North America, knows the story. You grow up, you fall in love… you get married. I certainly applaud those who challenge the narrative and, yes, there are problems with ‘the institution,’ but one of the things that shows how much progress we have made, as a nation (Canada and others) is the right to choose. Marriage. No, we are not defined by our decision to join our life with someone else, and yes, you can be whole and fulfilled without being paired, or procreating. But for so long, queer relationships were defined by their inability to participate in the beautiful, emotionally fulfilling, symbolic step of sharing the joy of your relationship with those you love and having your community show their support for that union.

Today I saw an article about a dazzling couple, who celebrated in a fusion of Western and Indian traditions: http://the-daily.buzz/americas-first-indian-lesbian-wedding/?ts_pid=2

This beautiful couple has helped to raise the profile for couples everywhere who want to marry the one they love, while celebrating their culture.

And the diversity is plain to see.

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A colourful union, between two brides with a female officiant.

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Two traditional dresses challenge the ‘who is wearing the tux’ assumption.

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Playing with conventions and gender in a classic pose.

Hard landscape, sweet emotion.

Hard landscape, sweet emotion.

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Picture perfect little love birds.

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Tattoos and lace, faux-hawk and a smitten grin.

One of the most beautiful parts of any wedding are the small details and traditions that couples integrate into their special day, to reflect their relationship, interests and cultures. For queer couples, although many face sadness and hardship around life moments that can bring difference and non-acceptance into harsh contrast, there are (at least) two things to be very thankful for: they have found the person they want to join their life with, and they have a chance to shape new traditions and challenge existing ones that might seem like a given for heterosexual couples.

Here are a few highlights from our special day.

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Allia didn’t want us to see the other’s dress. So it was an incredible surprise to see how beautifully our dresses complimented one another; and seeing her for the first time made my jaw hit the floor. She got to decide that I would walk first, accompanied by my father, while her brother escorted her, second, down the aisle to meet me.

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It was hard for us not to have her parents involved in the wedding, so we turned the traditional father daughter dance into a ‘first dance’ with someone you love. I danced with my amazing dad, and she danced with her siblings to “Stand By Me.”

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We had our friend, Riaz, an unordained ‘un-officiant’ perform our ceremony. Including some humour, our delightful friend married us from atop an apple box, because we are both 5’10 and … my wife met Riaz when they both worked in the film industry.

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The music was varied and personalized, with French and “Midnight in Paris” inspired music during the pre-ceremony, Bossa-Nova and Bossa-Marley (a throwback to our time in Spain) during cocktails. We both insisted that our dresses be comfortable enough to dance in, and we had a roaring dance party to celebrate, with tunes from Oldies (which we love to cook to), to indie-electro and some Bob Marley (of course, for her Jamaican heritage).

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We opted for a converted historic church building, with the sunlight streaming in.

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There was a surprise during dinner: amidst the childhood photos and slideshow – a video of our proposal. An onstage karaoke request for her hand in marriage. We had wine cork wreaths and all of our bridesmaids carried handmade paper bouquets by a local artisan.

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We decided to forgo the awkwardly posed shots and, instead, to go SUPER posed, for a Vanity Fair/Netflix inspired editorial look. All of our bridal party members got to choose their own attire, from a palette of colours for a vintage, soft look, with a cohesive, romantic tone. We wore two of my grandma’s vintage furs, and all of the bridesmaids were able to re-wear their dresses. Given that there was no ‘groom,’ we had no ‘groomsmen,’ but each of us had our brother step in as our ‘best man.’ 

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There is a special place in our hearts for our gay boy friends; our ‘g-ushers’ helped to usher in the guests (except for my brother-in-law), and wore handmade bow ties made by one of my former students.

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What is more fun than some rubber masks? As a late-night surprise, to go with the arrival of the poutine bar, panda, giraffe, unicorn, owl and horse masks turned up on the dance floor. It was the weirdest, most magical dance party, as well as tying in some of the animal themed elements from the day and creating some great candid shots.