Yes to the Dress

Wedding

I worried that I wasn’t going to have that tearful, this is it! moment. That unlike so many television brides-to-be, I wouldn’t know when I’d found my dress. I did know a few things though:

I would rather be comfortable than look ‘skinny’.

I wanted to have a dress that I could wear all night.

I didn’t want to need help going pee.

The hefty price tag of my dress wouldn’t be a bragging right.

I was deeply uncomfortable about the idea of spending half a month’s salary (or more) on a dress, no matter how important.

As soon as you say ‘wedding’ the price soars on most things you can think of: flowers, meals, alcohol prices, photography, shoes, accessories, cards, underwear… and definitely THE DRESS.

It’s hard NOT to feel beautiful in dresses that cost twenty times the price of things you wear in regular life. I liked them ALL, with some exceptions, and I was lucky that my small bust and tall frame meant that if it fit around my body it looked pretty good. I didn’t face the complicated support and lift issues that more ample, curvaceous brides might have to deal with, or issues of hemming. How do you know what dress is the one when they all feel so pretty?

At the time I had red hair and the contrast was striking; pale skin, red hair and cream, off white, blush… satin, lace, tulle… it was a mini nightmare of choice overload.

The aha moment came when I picked up an unlikely candidate in grey – it was a party dress, very theatrical and almost like a ballet costume. As I picked it up, I noticed that its petal pink, blush and oyster counterpart was hanging behind it. I added it to the pile. As soon as I got it on I felt like a little girl, gleeful in my desire to spin. It went quickly from ‘love this’ to ‘maybe this is the one’ to ‘this is it.’

It also really helped that it was less than half the price of other gowns. I let my gut decide and my budget concurred with a sigh of relief. I had been adamant that I wasn’t going to get suckered into a big ticket dress. This dress wasn’t what I thought I’d find, but very strangely, it had everything that I had been looking for: it was not white, it was soft and romantic, interesting and unusual, light, one shoulder, no corset, open back, the illusion of strapless without the constant need to hoist, and even before being taken in it felt magical.

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The first look. It felt so light and dreamy. I knew if heels were going to come into play we’d need to stitch in a few extra layers of tulle to add length.

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Moment of truth: is this the way I want to feel and look when I walk down the aisle. It seemed too easy. Yes.

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Give it a spin. With the full skirt and one shoulder strap I felt certain that dancing all night wouldn’t be a problem. The flowers at the waist were removable, too.

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I had a sheepish face on when I realized how excited I had gotten. I guess that’s how you know. Even before alterations, which my mom’s neighbour completed for us at very minimal cost, and adding four inches of tulle layering to the hem, it feel really amazing and so comfortable – like I’d stepped out of a fairy tale. Mine.

It even matched the drawing I had sketched out months before I started the hunt, quite closely.When I was all ‘jacked up’ as they say, even the Iphone photos capture it pretty clearly – this was definitely a dress to which I could say an emphatic ‘yes.’

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Three hours to show time. Getting ready at the Grand Hotel.

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Accessorized and ready: Something old, something new, something borrowed… something blue not pictured here.

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Ultimately, the dress I wore was the right pick, even though many more traditional and some very modern dresses felt beautiful, I went with the one that gave me a thrill. Good luck on your hunt!

Crown Flora: Shop Profile

Art, DIY

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Sometimes you fall in love with something frivolous. How could you not love this gold stegosaurus, with a jaunty little succulent protruding from his spine? At the One Of A Kind Spring show http://www.oneofakindshow.com/toronto/index.php, we found this little guy, who came home with us that day; I’d had my eye on this kind of thing since our wedding. We were inspired by some things we had seen on Etsy and I’d pinned a bunch of cute little animal-projects to add whimsy to our celebration.

Some of the best included:

Gold animal cake toppers.

Gold animal cake toppers.

Jar toppers for cosmetics, q-tips and cotton balls, or even candy jars.

Jar toppers for cosmetics, q-tips and cotton balls, or even candy jars.

Fridge magnets.

Fridge magnets.

There are so many ways to chop and rearrange these little cuties.

There are so many ways to chop and rearrange these little cuties.

We ended up using skewers and spraying them silver and gold, then arranging them throughout our hydrangea center pieces. Each table had an animal of its own: the lion table, the giraffe table… it was questionable who should be seated at the hippo table (the group with the best sense of humour).

At Crown Flora Studios’ booth at the Spring One Of A Kind Show, we fell in love with the dinosaur, as well as this sweet terrarium. For the cost of purchasing all the materials, we figured it was just as easy to get one that was already put together. They do such a good job and the arrangement of the elements inside the glass container were so well balanced. The folks at Crown Flora let us select our animals (two little giraffes) and our new terrarium can be hung/suspended or sit table-top. This was one of our favourite finds!

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Two giraffes are right at home in their little bubble with an air plant, some moss and stone.

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This quirky addition to our coffee table is adorable, but definitely gets hidden when our small nieces come to visit.

To check out more of Crown Flora’s work, visit their website: http://crownflorastudio.com/  They also do styling, workshops and flowers…

Crown Flora: crownflorastudio.com

Crown Flora: crownflorastudio.com

Make Your Own Luck

DIY

When an old mirror fell off the wall and smashed, we turned 7 years bad luck into an invitation to drink. For our wedding we tried to add handmade touches throughout the ceremony to really showcase our personalities.

I turned that nicely textured rectangle, already prepped to hang on a wall, into a DIY sign pointing the way down to the wine cellar where, after the ceremony, guests started the party while we took our photos.

The Berkeley 1871 Wine Cellar

The Berkeley 1871 Lounge, empty here, but for the wedding it was set up with banquets and low profile lounge area seating for guests to mingle, while sipping their drinks to a soundtrack of Bossa – Marley (which we heard on our trip to Spain) and Reggae/BossaNova Fusion. 

The Berkeley Church Wine Cellar

The Berkeley Church Wine Cellar

Drinking certainly fits the bill, as we had a wine list inspired by our travels, and our animal theme (very cheeky), all in a feminist, DIY spirit: see Bear Flag Winery (owned and operated by women).

We enjoyed the cheap and cheerful Bear Flag Summer White, among other local Niagara wines, with some Spanish thrown in as a tribute to our last trip.

We enjoyed the cheap and cheerful Bear Flag Summer White, among other local Niagara wines, with some Spanish thrown in as a tribute to our last trip.

Our beer list also featured local craft brew from Oast House (Farmhouse Saison is one of our very faves) and Bellwoods Brewery (they have a beer called Cat Lady and another named Monogamy). It was all so punny and perfect.

Bellwoods Brewery.

Bellwoods Brewery.

The perfect beer for two very Cat-loving ladies.

The perfect beer for two very Cat-loving ladies.

Always a great place to visit, Oast House has charm and some damn delicious beer! It's also available now in the LCBO. Highly recommend!

Always a great place to visit, Oast House has charm and some damn delicious beer! It’s also available now in the LCBO. Highly recommend!

Check out http://oasthousebrewers.ca/, in Niagara-on-the-Lake, or the more urban, but equally tasty http://bellwoodsbrewery.com/  (Toronto), where the beer is plentiful and they will definitely treat you right. Both locations have a wonderful spread of food available on site and tasting flights of their beers on tap.

One huge advantage of planning our own alcohol list for the wedding is that we could prohibit the “shots, shots, shots!!!” approach and offer wine tasting and craft beer at the bar so that our guests could try some of our favourites and take their time getting their drink on. Plus, anything we had left over, sadly, had to come home with us.

Cheers! And happy Toronto Pride!

Say Yes: Step 1 of Dress Shopping – Inspiration

Wedding

Before our wedding I found myself immersed in the “Say Yes To The Dress” frenzy of looking for the perfect one, while simultaneously being repelled by the astronomical price of these one-time-only frocks. As a fan of vintage and re-used clothing, of hand-me-downs from my mom and grandma, as well as the ‘look longingly with a sigh’ window shopping of online and magazine page-turning… I was at a loss for an answer to the big question: how can I find a dress that is personal, unique and beautiful, at a price that I can feel comfortable about (knowing that I’m on a self-imposed budget AND that I’m likely to spill something on myself… cause that’s just the kind of girl I am)?  I culled inspiration from all sorts of places: Etsy, Pinterest, Bridal Magazines (given to me in stacks by previously married friends). I was definitely also interested in a second-hand gown from one of the many dress donation charities. But, where do you start?

I Pinned. Well, first I drew. I sketched my perfect dress. Then I started a folder of Pinterest images and tore out pictures from magazines until I had a really clear sense of what I was drawn to. Then I started to distill that down to what I liked AND could see myself in. What looks great in pictures doesn’t always mean that it’s a good fit for you, your body, your wedding venue, etc. I also had the added challenge of finding a dress that would coordinate with the UNSEEN dress my wife would be wearing.

Guiding words: romantic, whimsical, vintage, soft, comfortable to dance in. Like a vintage photograph or a bouquet of faded flowers. Key colours for our day: Blush, taupe, cream, gold and pewter.

Confident that our visions were aligned, and with my sister-in-law as the go between stylist, we set out. Ultimately, when I look back, the dress I got was strangely similar to my original sketch, even though I’d put it in the back of my mind once we started looking at actual dresses. From start to finish. Here is some of the inspiration and the final result.

I loved the idea of a low back and looser fit. Flowing fabric and a dance-floor-floor friendly cut.

I loved the idea of a low back and looser fit. Flowing fabric and a dance-floor-floor friendly cut.

Something vintage with a bit of glimmer and glitz. I loved this look, but worried (after years of dance competitions) that sequins are both hot and scratch delicate upper arms!

Something vintage-inspired with a bit of glimmer and glitz. I loved this look, but worried (after years of dance competitions) that sequins can be hot, and make the dress weigh a ton, but also have the potential to scratch delicate upper arms!

Sweet and simple. Eden // Rose Gold Sequinned, Backless Wedding Dress $1,850.00 CAD Truvelle

Sweet and simple. Eden // Rose Gold Sequinned, Backless Wedding Dress
$1,850.00 CAD – Truvelle

Romantic wedding dress with a floral belt and fluttery sleeve.  $413.12 CAD Barzelai

Romantic wedding dress with a floral belt and fluttery sleeve.
$413.12 CAD
Barzelai

Fall Brittany Wedding Dress Gown-Gorgeous A-line champange sweetheart floor length $2,754.13 CAD TingBridal. I absolutely love the colour and vintage feel of this dress. The soft hem and peplum, with the sweetheart neck seemed in keeping with our vintage theme.

Fall Brittany Wedding Dress Gown-Gorgeous A-line champange sweetheart floor length
$2,754.13 CAD
TingBridal. I absolutely love the colour and vintage feel of this dress. The soft hem and peplum, with the sweetheart neck seemed in keeping with our vintage theme.

Low-back Grecian draped by Whitesrose

Low-back Grecian draped by Whitesrose

Gorgeous detailing and intricate back: a little exotic, a little art-deco.  Inspired Wedding dress reception dress flapper alternative backless dress. $749.87

Gorgeous detailing and intricate back: a little exotic, a little art-deco. Inspired Wedding dress reception dress flapper alternative backless dress. $749.87

This dress has a very theatrical flare that reminds me of ballet costumes... and actually resembles quite closely the dress I ended up purchasing. Strapless tulle and organza princess wedding dress. Lemandywedding.

This dress has a very theatrical flare that reminds me of ballet costumes… and actually resembles quite closely the dress I ended up purchasing. Strapless tulle and organza princess wedding dress. Lemandywedding.

Sweet Gatsby detailing and flattering cut. French Lace Cap Sleeve Empire Waist Sweetheart Neckline Wedding gown,Illusion Neckline, Layered Chiffon Skirt, The "Isabella" Gown by Schone $2,724.09 CAD

Sweet Gatsby detailing and flattering cut. French Lace Cap Sleeve Empire Waist Sweetheart Neckline Wedding gown,Illusion Neckline, Layered Chiffon Skirt, The “Isabella” Gown by Schone
$2,724.09 CAD

I fell in love with the delicate, fragility and texture of this ecru coloured gown. The flattering detail at the bust and the irregular hem was so reminiscent of a ballet costume that I almost caved and ordered it online. Alice- Silk Chiffon Wedding Gown $3,317.48 CAD Leanimal

I fell in love with the delicate, fragility and texture of this ecru coloured gown. The flattering detail at the bust and the irregular hem was so reminiscent of a ballet costume that I almost caved and ordered it online. Alice- Silk Chiffon Wedding Gown
$3,317.48 CAD
Leanimal

Full length.

Full length.

Starting to notice a trend in fabric, cut and back detailing. Ruffled Silk Wedding Dress - Lori $625.94 CAD SaintIsabel

Starting to notice a trend in fabric, cut and back detailing. Ruffled Silk Wedding Dress – Lori
$625.94 CAD
SaintIsabel

Very Duchess of Cambridge: This one has it all... flow, shape skimming cut and romantic details.

Very Duchess of Cambridge: This one has it all… flow, shape skimming cut and romantic details.

The bigger the skirt, the ... harder to get through a crowd. This cupcake dress was, surprisingly, the furthest thing from what I thought I'd want, but when I started trying on dresses, I found that these dresses really produced the lash-fluttering effect I'd been hoping for. Maybe all that time in dance costumes had an impact after all!

The bigger the skirt, the … harder to get through a crowd. This cupcake dress was, surprisingly, the furthest thing from what I thought I’d want, but when I started trying on dresses, I found that these dresses really produced the lash-fluttering effect I’d been hoping for. Maybe all that time in dance costumes had an impact after all!

Seeing some similarities emerging: off-white, soft skirts and layers, sweetheart necks, bare shoulder(s) and back, waist details... Custom Wedding Gown- Summer Sunshine-Alencon lace and tulle A-line floor length wedding dress-made to order: $2,253.38 CAD TingBridal

Seeing some similarities emerging: off-white, soft skirts and layers, sweetheart necks, bare shoulder(s) and back, waist details… Custom Wedding Gown- Summer Sunshine-Alencon lace and tulle A-line floor length wedding dress-made to order: $2,253.38 CAD
TingBridal

Romance and a story, told through the details.

Sometimes the photos I was drawn to were more about the mood: Romance and a story, told through the details. This pic has a timeless quality and softness that exudes intimacy, despite the wide-openness of the setting. 

Proof in the pudding – the inspiration found its way into the final choice.

My tulle-skirted, one shoulder gown, in blush, with a paper bouquet and Granny's vintage fur.

My tulle-skirted, one shoulder gown, in blush, with a paper bouquet and Granny’s vintage fur. Photography: Sweetheart Empire.

Soft? Check. Romantic? Check.

Soft? Check. Romantic? Check.

And the palette worked out perfectly, even with our bridal party, who all wore different variations of our colour scheme. Timeless, but so now. I love these photos as much a year later as I did on the day. But, I'm biased.

And the palette worked out perfectly, even with our bridal party, who all wore different variations of our colour scheme. Timeless, but so now. I love these photos as much a year later as I did on the day. But, I’m biased.

And the details came together beautifully, even though we hadn't seen each other's dress before hand.

And the details came together beautifully, even though we hadn’t seen each other’s dress before hand. Photography: Sweetheart Empire.

Stay tuned for Step 2 and 3, as well as future Wedding Planning posts.

The Times, They Are a Changing

Love, Open Letters, Wedding

All photos from my own wedding are courtesy of Kate O’Connor at  http://sweetheartempire.com/ 

Anyone who grows up … in North America, knows the story. You grow up, you fall in love… you get married. I certainly applaud those who challenge the narrative and, yes, there are problems with ‘the institution,’ but one of the things that shows how much progress we have made, as a nation (Canada and others) is the right to choose. Marriage. No, we are not defined by our decision to join our life with someone else, and yes, you can be whole and fulfilled without being paired, or procreating. But for so long, queer relationships were defined by their inability to participate in the beautiful, emotionally fulfilling, symbolic step of sharing the joy of your relationship with those you love and having your community show their support for that union.

Today I saw an article about a dazzling couple, who celebrated in a fusion of Western and Indian traditions: http://the-daily.buzz/americas-first-indian-lesbian-wedding/?ts_pid=2

This beautiful couple has helped to raise the profile for couples everywhere who want to marry the one they love, while celebrating their culture.

And the diversity is plain to see.

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A colourful union, between two brides with a female officiant.

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Two traditional dresses challenge the ‘who is wearing the tux’ assumption.

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Playing with conventions and gender in a classic pose.

Hard landscape, sweet emotion.

Hard landscape, sweet emotion.

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Picture perfect little love birds.

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Tattoos and lace, faux-hawk and a smitten grin.

One of the most beautiful parts of any wedding are the small details and traditions that couples integrate into their special day, to reflect their relationship, interests and cultures. For queer couples, although many face sadness and hardship around life moments that can bring difference and non-acceptance into harsh contrast, there are (at least) two things to be very thankful for: they have found the person they want to join their life with, and they have a chance to shape new traditions and challenge existing ones that might seem like a given for heterosexual couples.

Here are a few highlights from our special day.

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Allia didn’t want us to see the other’s dress. So it was an incredible surprise to see how beautifully our dresses complimented one another; and seeing her for the first time made my jaw hit the floor. She got to decide that I would walk first, accompanied by my father, while her brother escorted her, second, down the aisle to meet me.

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It was hard for us not to have her parents involved in the wedding, so we turned the traditional father daughter dance into a ‘first dance’ with someone you love. I danced with my amazing dad, and she danced with her siblings to “Stand By Me.”

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We had our friend, Riaz, an unordained ‘un-officiant’ perform our ceremony. Including some humour, our delightful friend married us from atop an apple box, because we are both 5’10 and … my wife met Riaz when they both worked in the film industry.

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The music was varied and personalized, with French and “Midnight in Paris” inspired music during the pre-ceremony, Bossa-Nova and Bossa-Marley (a throwback to our time in Spain) during cocktails. We both insisted that our dresses be comfortable enough to dance in, and we had a roaring dance party to celebrate, with tunes from Oldies (which we love to cook to), to indie-electro and some Bob Marley (of course, for her Jamaican heritage).

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We opted for a converted historic church building, with the sunlight streaming in.

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There was a surprise during dinner: amidst the childhood photos and slideshow – a video of our proposal. An onstage karaoke request for her hand in marriage. We had wine cork wreaths and all of our bridesmaids carried handmade paper bouquets by a local artisan.

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We decided to forgo the awkwardly posed shots and, instead, to go SUPER posed, for a Vanity Fair/Netflix inspired editorial look. All of our bridal party members got to choose their own attire, from a palette of colours for a vintage, soft look, with a cohesive, romantic tone. We wore two of my grandma’s vintage furs, and all of the bridesmaids were able to re-wear their dresses. Given that there was no ‘groom,’ we had no ‘groomsmen,’ but each of us had our brother step in as our ‘best man.’ 

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There is a special place in our hearts for our gay boy friends; our ‘g-ushers’ helped to usher in the guests (except for my brother-in-law), and wore handmade bow ties made by one of my former students.

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What is more fun than some rubber masks? As a late-night surprise, to go with the arrival of the poutine bar, panda, giraffe, unicorn, owl and horse masks turned up on the dance floor. It was the weirdest, most magical dance party, as well as tying in some of the animal themed elements from the day and creating some great candid shots.

I Heart You

Art, DIY, Love, Wedding

One of my favourite personalized details from our wedding day, almost a year ago, was the custom heart that my designer friend, Katey, created for us. She is a stylist, ceramic artist and all-round creative genius and, knowing our penchant for DIY touches, she asked if she might be able to make us something special.

Photo Credit: Sweetheartempire.com, Heart by Katherine Morley, Location: Berkeley Church, Toronto.

Photo Credit: Sweetheartempire.com, Heart by Katherine Morley, Location: Berkeley Church, Toronto.

The results were amazing and the decorative heart, emblazoned with our names, became a key piece of our wedding day puzzle.

Berkeley Church, Toronto. Photo Credit: Sweetheart Empire, Toronto (Kate O'Connor). Heart by Katherine Morley.

Berkeley Church, Toronto. Photo Credit: Sweetheart Empire, Toronto (Kate O’Connor). Heart by Katherine Morley.

Check out her beautiful designs on everything from ‘Capacity’ – a carefully curated collection of art and design by female designers in Toronto, to her ceramic sculptures for fish tanks (which address the issues surrounding human impact on our oceans and the depletion of sea coral, while providing a gorgeous, sustainable landscape for fish to explore).

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Katherine Morley in her studio.

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Sculptural pieces with form and function.

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More of her creative pieces, featured in House & Home, including her circus-inspired ceramics, and Iceberg book ends that evoke the Group of Seven.

Supporting local artists, especially ones who are socially conscious and engaged in their community, is a great way to fill your home, event and life, in general, with good vibes, originality and beauty.