The Power of a Good Venting Ally

Open Letters

Sometimes when you have a shit day, and you just need to get it all out, it’s helpful to know just whom to call. For me… often it’s my wife. For certain, delicate circumstances … it’s my Dad. Prone to hyperbole in the best way, my wonderful father is always on my side (except when we’ve locked horns) and doesn’t hold back offering opinions that make you feel totally ‘not crazy’ when other people’s behaviour has got you down.

Case in point: today was made infinitely more complicated and exhausting by a colleague who flat out refused a simple favour, because he felt he shouldn’t have to help anyone out, right on the heels of having emailed our entire staff to ask that we all do him a ‘small favour’ – phrased as an instruction, not a request. He literally challenged the requirement to give professional courtesy. Then he protested all day about how this sets a precedent (yup, sure does… a precedent of us making each other’s lives easier if it LITERALLY has no measurable impact on us) that we would all then just… be flexible. Obviously, as a professional courtesy, I’m not going to describe in detail any of his ridiculous, ironically icky behaviour.

My dad though… perfect response. After letting me tell him all about it, he simply says: “He should be staked out in the hot sun.”

there-is-a-master-key-and-a-spare-key-for-10543592.png

Team player words to live by.

 

Alone, but not really

Open Letters

Sometimes I get to feeling sad – perseverating on the lack,

the absence of people who used to be so central to every moment and thought.

I will be in the middle of some mindless task, steering through the day, and I think about someone/the someones I no longer have in my life – maybe it’s a street sign with your name on it. A balcony where we looked out over the city. A miniature collie. A piece of braided grass that I find in a small container, tucked in a drawer. Or a conversation with myself that I keep pushing back into a corner.

inevitable as you get older

people fall by the wayside

sometimes by choice

often not

I start to feel bad for myself, a bit abandoned

I start to wonder what’s wrong with me

that people I feel so much for

don’t need me in their life

in some capacity. or other.

then… I’ll get a message from someone

full of eagerness and excitement

just to see me. Someone who is genuinely excited to hear my voice, to see each other face to face;

and I’m reminded that I’m lucky to have an abundance of people who feel this way.

You can’t keep everybody.

But it is hard to let go.

Especially when the letting go isn’t mutual.

But then, even though on a good (or bad) day I mostly believe that our technology

is killing our joy, our social capacity, our connection and empathy – or

as research suggests, and Ted Talks expostulate – we connect in order to feel, not because we do feel – that our desire for connection fuels our connectivity but breeds emptiness;

and I believe this

until, through that same conduit, someone reaches out and I do feel that touch.

Fan-tucking-tabulous. That’s how she feels about hanging out with me. And the sincerity of that expletive feels as real as seeing a face light up and the hug I know I’ll get when I see her.

Why do some people care. And some people not?

If you remember what real interactions feel like, maybe this internet-media-hyperspeed life isn’t so bad. Maybe you only notice this when you take a night off, to take stock, to start a week long vacation, by pulling every\thing off the hangers, to fold, re-fold, hang, smooth and air out all the tissue and fabric of the year. Of years. It still fits. So you keep it.

If not. Let go. My life and my body are done changing size. Aspiring to a shape I used to inhabit. I will never be 21 again. But I remember what it feels like. I remember it.

I think about the conversations I would have. As my hands move over the fabric and remember times that are captured in photographs, from back when we used real film and we borrowed a friend’s digital camera to take pictures one night. I don’t know her anymore. But I see her sometimes on Facebook.

Drifting in and out of each others’ news feed. I thought about you, until real life reminded me that a decade has gone by and the things I would have said might not make sense anymore.

But if you’re listening, and you miss me too, I’d still love not to be far away

from the people long gone, but still on the periphery of this web. You were important, and like so many of these ill-fitting things, that still hold tactile meaning, I don’t know where to store you.

I Liebst It: the Liebster Award

Indulge

It’s a new season, officially. It seems like the time is just flying. A few short months ago, I joined WordPress and started blogging about life, love and fashion. Then, just as the crisp temperatures started to creep in, signalling Fall’s arrival, I got a lovely note; I was lucky enough to be nominated for a Liebster Award! I’d like to send out a huge thank you to Autumn Updates (https://autumnupdates.wordpress.com/), you should check out her frank, on-point observations about the world – she has a really fresh perspective!

It’s really touching to see/hear that the blog I started for myself (to allow me a place to indulge in things outside my work life) has been a positive, fun, informative place for others. I love writing and definitely love fashion. I do these things for me, but if someone else finds pleasure in them, it makes things all the better. Accordingly, I love to see others who write because they love it – for the release, for the humour, for the sadness, the questions, the angst, the inspiration. And I never met a fashion collage I didn’t love.

For more on the award rules and my answers to Autumn Updates’ questions, read on!

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So first, the rules for the Liebster Award are: 

1. Once nominated make a post to thank and link the person that nominated you.

2. Include the Liebster award sticker award somewhere in your post.

3. Nominate 5 – 10 other bloggers who have 200 followers or less that you think are worthy of this award. Let them know you have nominated them by commenting on one of their posts. You can nominate the person who tagged you.

4. Answer the questions by the person that nominated you, and create questions of your own for your nominees.

5. Copy these rules onto your post.

My questions and answers for the ‘mini Q & A’ are:

  1. What do you love most about blogging?

I love having a personal goal that no one but me holds me accountable for. I wanted to write more. I wanted to put pen to paper (or at least fingers to keyboard) and find a place to visually and verbally express myself. I have so much to be thankful for and in life we sometimes get bogged down by what isn’t going right; here I find myself feeling immensely grateful – for the privilege of having a life where enough things are going right that I have happy things to write about – and when things are going poorly, I can channel it; writing helps me work through my feelings.

2. When you’re sad, what do you do to cheer yourself up?

I eat cinnamon buns. I drink wine. I make videos of our cats with my wife. I call my mom. I dance.

3. If you could be any Disney character, who would you be and why?

Ariel from The Little Mermaid, because I can seriously rock red locks, I love to sing and I definitely have thing-a-ma-bobs a-plenty.

Little Mermaid?

Little Mermaid?

4. Where in the world do you want to visit?

I have traveled a great deal and would love to revisit Brazil. I left pieces of my heart there. I have a list of places my wife and I want to travel to: Portugal, Iceland, Thailand, Peru, Australia… One day we’ll get to all of them.

Até logo, Brasil! Estou com saudades de voce!

Até logo, Brasil! Estou com saudades de voce!

5. What is your Starbucks order?

London Fog, Chai Latte, Vanilla Latte or… most likely a regular old coffee from anywhere… with almond milk.

6. What advice would you give to your younger self?

Keep doing what you do. It has been amazing reconnecting with old friends and acquaintances from high school and realizing that the way we perceived ourselves is often clouded by the fear that we will be judged. I conveyed a confidence that was pretty compelling, but felt like a bit of an impostor – constantly doubting and striving. I wish I had known, like I know now, retrospectively, that being a bit of a free-spirit and a bleeding heart, but being a hard-ass when it came to standing up for what I believe in and being willing to fight the good fight (especially where social justice is concerned) was something that would get me respect later in life. Respecting myself and my judgement, to try and do what I believed was right, even if it was hard, is something I’d push myself to keep doing. Lastly: keep holding out for love. She is right around the corner!

Big kisses to you, my amazing wife!

Big kisses to you, my amazing wife!

Big thank you to you, Autumn Updates. I appreciate the love!

I would like to nominate: 

& the questions for my nominees are: 

  1. What are the small things that bring you joy?
  2. What smell reminds you of childhood?
  3. Is there a song that evokes a wonderfully vivid memory for you?
  4. When do you feel most yourself?
  5. What is the biggest obstacle in your life?
  6. What can’t you wait to do in your lifetime?

I cannot wait to hear about all your amazing ideas. I enjoy reading and learning from you. Cheers to a great community! Thanks again to Autumn Updates, and best of luck in life and blogging!

Sincerely,

A